Stuck In Self Doubt, From A Creative's Point of View

Any other florists or creatives wondering how they are going to get through the rest of this season? September has always seemed to be a draining month for myself and my floral design colleagues. In Sydney Australia, we’re gearing up for spring and many of my freelance designer buddies are anxious and doubtful. They are wondering if their work will be good enough this year to compete with all the new talent or be hired back another season. The past two Septembers, back in California, we were drained from a busy summer wedding season. We still had a full fall schedule to jump into. However, team confidence was low. It was unnerving to watch the most talented people in the industry walk into the studio looking defeated. Negative feedback from clients, bosses, or other designers had gotten to the best of us. It had left even the most senior of designers, hesitating to jump back into designs. I had several chats, in person and over social media, with designers who felt stuck in their self doubt. Pulling from my personal struggles and experiences, I tried to offer any counsel that I could.

Going back, when I was in my mid twenties, I had a major life shift that graciously gave me the inner strength I have today. My boyfriend and I had been together since right after highschool. We’d been living together for about 5 years. One day he shared he was unhappy and felt he was holding me back. He wasn’t. However, I was aligning myself with a life that kept me limited and I was holding myself back. I couldn’t admit that then. After we ended our relationship, I had to figure out who I was. He was a cornerstone that I felt lost without. I had to reflect on all the paths that had lead me to this point of feeling small in the world and lost without him.

I could clearly see key moments in my life where I had doubted and limited myself. When I was 19 I knew I wanted to be in the floral industry. But I told myself, “I will never be the best floral designer, so I won’t even try. I could maybe run a business and employ a better designer”. And then I held myself back again in college. My mentors pushed me to ask for more design work at my job in a floral boutique. But I felt so uncomfortable calling myself a designer, so I waited until I was asked. In 2013 we moved from San Francisco to Los Angeles. I sent my resume to my dream event designers. But I never pursued it with my full heart. I didn’t even follow up. So I stayed where I was comfortable, in a small environment, for too long. An offer to be a creative director for a floral and event design company landed in my lap. But uprooting my life and taking that risk, seemed too bold. So I turned it down. I limited myself in my career and that was seeping into other areas of my life.

I looked at all those moments, and many others, where I had chosen to stay small in the world and listened to my self doubt. All those self defining moments were a product of my fears. I was terrified of failing and my creative expressions being rejected. I was terrified I wouldn’t be enough, and in more areas than just my career. I didn’t know what I was meant to do, but I didn’t want to not do things because I was afraid.

I had a lot less to lose and needed to find out what was on the other side of my fear. This meant making big changes. I moved out of my comfort zone to San Diego. This was a better environment for me with a great support system. I let go of my self limiting belief that I wasn’t good enough. I tried to identify any fear based choices and coached myself on being brave. Quickly, I was working for dream companies with the beautifully talented designers. They became my family. I moved into an apartment that I loved and paid for myself. This was something I doubted I’d be able to do after splitting costs with a partner all my adult life.

For the next year, I tried to carry that courage and boldness with me into the world even further. It’s lead me to a life beyond my dreams. I’m designing in Sydney, Australia with more creatives than I’ve ever worked with before. I’m more confident and passionate about design than ever. I’m blessed to be surrounded by loving, supportive creatives all over the world. We lift each other up when our reserves of confidence are low. One brave choice, that came from a place of self belief, led to other brave choices, and resulted in beautiful bold results.

As creatives we have many tools in our tool box. But we often don’t have to tools to identify or communicate when our fears are being triggered. Self doubt can be paralyzing. It ultimately keeps us from our calling. These are the tools I’ve gathered and try to share with anyone who is plagued with self doubt.

When you feel limited by your self doubt, identify where that comes from. For me, it all comes from a place of fear. Recognize that fear of failure, judgement, or rejection will keep us from fulfilling our calling. When you can identify it correctly, you can address it properly.

Then surround yourself with people who believe in you. Communicate with them when you are feeling most vulnerable. I tell our team often when I’m not feeling confident in any area of my life. They quickly put things in perspective for me. These positive affirmations and sense of community will cultivate the courage you need.

Take any feedback as an opportunity for growth. It’s going to be uncomfortable, because its creating change. But as creatives, we need to check the ego at the door to create honest work. At some point, a client may be unhappy. Art is subjective after all! If that happens, take a step back, and communicate with understanding, compassion, and confidence. More often than not, an unhappy client has something else going on in their personal situation. Don’t take their projections on into your self confidence.

Lastly, chose courage. Write it down as a reminder if needed. Beauty seekers want to see art and expression through your eyes. Accept your gifts, reject fear based decisions, and remember you have an obligation to share your talents with those of us that love your work. Let that calling give you strength.

Luckily, September is coming to an end. I’m sure if you look around your design space, you’ll see a friend, colleague, or employee who is struggling. They could use a reminder that you believe in their work and you see their talents. Those words just may be the ones they need to hear right now. Hopefully it will shine a light upon the blessings that are on the other side of their fears.